Broken Hearts and Goodbyes
by shinhwavee
Summary: Draco leaves a letter for Harry.


The snow fell slowly; small flakes danced in the air while people bustled and brushed by one another in indistinctive chatter. The holidays were here and everyone seemed to be out shopping for last minute presents all at once. A tall figure walked through the crowded streets, head low and dirty blonde hair hanging over grey eyes. Hands stuffed pockets and small clouds of troubled breaths disoriented the image of their owner, Draco Malfoy.

His feet shuffled through small blankets of snow and his hands clenched into fists in his pockets, almost as if to will the cold away. He had so much stirring up in his head that he hadn't noticed he had turned into a large neighborhood and then stopped in front a small house. The windows weren't covered with curtains and he could see everything inside the cozy living room. There was a tall, decorated tree to the left and the glow from a burning fireplace in the center that seemed to give the room an orange shade. He wasn't sure what he was doing, much less why he was here across the street peering into that house as if he hadn't any other place to be.

Yet at the same time he knew the reasons why. There was plenty to be said, yet it all stay muffled inside, haunting and screaming at him like it has been for years. His balled fists were numb at this point. He was starting to shake and tremble at the sight of a mere living room, surely he was just tired. He turned, but his eyes lingered just to see if—

An approaching silhouette on the wall had Draco stay completely still again. His feet slowly turned back so that he was facing forwards, but his eyes lingered on the silhouette and his lips slowly twitched at the sides to form a broken smile when he saw whom he had so longed to see.

"Harry." He whispered.

Almost as if the other had heard, he looked out the window and Draco panicked before stumbling and tripping over his own two feet as he started to run away. His heart was pounding harshly and his hands were free from the fists they forced themselves into as Draco sprinted without looking back.

Once in the comfort of his own apartment, Draco slowly removed his shoes and slipped his slippers on instead before hanging his scarf and coat near the door. He removed his gloves as he approached his kitchen and left them on the counter, sighing softly before he walked to the refrigerator and opened it to grab a beer. Fingers clasped the turning top and a soft hiss broke through the still silence as Draco opened the bottle and directed it towards his lips.

Soft gulps followed before he turned and made his way to his living room and plopped down on the couch. He looked around and nearly laughed at the sight of tossed bottles and crumpled newspaper on the floor. Unlike the warm house he was staring into earlier, Draco had neither tree nor fireplace. He had a TV on the floor and a mess to accompany his loneliness. He let his head fall back as he started to drink again, this time the gulps louder than before.

He wondered where he went wrong, wondered how he ended up like this, how he became so miserable and alone—

Weasley.

That's why. It's all because of that stupid red-headed, no good, piece of—

 _Knock. Knock._

Draco's attention immediately drifted towards his door and he furrowed his brows as he stood up and set the beer aside. He rubbed his wrists, something he had grown accustomed to whenever he was nervous, and he lightly tiptoed once at the door to look through the peephole and see who had knocked. His eyes widened slightly at the sight and in almost a hurry, he scrambled to open the door.

After a small creak, the door was finally open and Draco stood still as his body trembled on its own accord, as if it was struggling to keep standing once in the presence of his visitor.

"Harry," he whispered for the second time that night. "What brings you here?"

There was silence as Harry let himself inside and brushed past Draco, yet another struggle added to his body as he tried to keep still. Draco closed the door and followed behind Harry, heart racing as his apartment now started to smell like sweet musk and cologne.

"I asked you a question, Harry." Draco shook his head to keep cool. "You said—"

"I saw you outside my house, Draco."

 _Fuck._

"What were you thinking?" Harry turned around and then slipped his own scarf off. "Ginny could've seen you, or even worse, Albus! You can't just keep showing up and staring into my house because you're lonely. I told you this back in August; we can't be together."

"W-Why not?" Draco felt his heart break slowly and his lower lip trembled.

"Draco," Harry sighed at the sight before slowly approaching the other and brushing his gloved hand along Draco's flushed cheek. "I'm married now." He whispered gently. "I have responsibilities and a family to take care of, not to mention that I—"

Draco couldn't hear anymore. He didn't want to. Instead, he crashed his lips against Harry's with a soft moan, the encounter too familiar and stirring that he didn't want this to end. He could feel Harry's arms slowly wrap around his waist and he turned his head slightly to encourage Harry to deepen the kiss. When he did, Draco slowly ran his hands up along Harry's chest and slowly began to unbutton said man's coat. There was a small moan of protest, but Draco shushed it before slowly bringing the coat down and hearing it fall to the floor with a small thud.

"Draco…" Harry mumbled against lips. "Wait, please…listen to me…"

"Shh," Draco whispered. "Please don't talk anymore."

Emerald green eyes looked into empty grey before Harry slowly nodded and let Draco continue. Lips now brushed against Harry's neck and small moans parted said man's lips as he closed his eyes and brought one of his hands up to tangle in Draco's hair. He could never deny the fact that Draco knew exactly where and exactly how to turn him on; he's known for so long.

Before Harry could reminisce and fall into memories, he yelped when he felt his back pressed against a cold wall and his legs were brought up to wrap around Draco's waist before they crashed their lips together again. Harry wrapped his arms around the other's neck and he moaned softly again when their clothed groins brushed against one another. He hated this so much, hated the fact that he could never control himself or his ridiculous noises of satisfaction whenever Draco touched him. He couldn't be doing this anymore, and Draco knew that better than anyone.

But he just didn't care.

"Harry," Draco whispered. "Just for tonight, let me have you. Just one night, I promise."

He couldn't see Draco's eyes, all he had sight of was the mirror hanging across from them, reflecting the way he was holding onto his once sworn enemy as if life had depended on it. With a small nod, he buried his face in Draco's neck and moaned when their groins brushed together again.

Seconds passed by before Draco lifted Harry away from the wall and blindly walked and stumbled to his room. Harry could feel his heart pound at his chest, he knew he shouldn't be here and he knew that as soon as all of this was over, it would only hurt Draco more.

Yet he couldn't stop him.

With a soft sigh he landed on the bed, springs creaking quietly before Draco quickly did away with his shirt, leaving Harry to stare and marvel at the sight of defined porcelain. When he saw Draco unbuttoning his pants, he quickly brought his fingers to starts discarding his own clothes, throwing them whichever way before reaching for Draco's shoulders and bringing him down for another searing kiss.

Soft moans accompanied the rustles of Harry ridding himself of his jeans, and in mere seconds he was bare, victim to Draco's hungry eyes. He tried to close his legs and look away, but Draco would have none of it. He parted Harry's legs and stared at said man's half-hardened erection before slowly dragging his tongue along his upper lip.

Now Harry felt nervous. Now he felt the insecurity trail over him and he tried to move, but to no avail. Draco started to run his lips down Harry's chest and stomach, eventually taking his leaking tip into his mouth with a small grunt.

"D-Draco…" Harry swallowed hard. "I…wait…"

But his pleas were left unheard as Draco bobbed his head slowly, slurps getting louder as he engulfed Harry's thick length down his throat with ease. Harry gasped and writhed on the bed, fingers curling in both sheets and hair as he tried to calm down and breathe.

Oh, but it was so hard. It was so hard to stay calm whenever Draco touched him. He yearned for this for so long and now that he could finally have it, he wouldn't let it pass.

Draco moaned at the taste of bittersweet precome that went down his throat. He dragged his tongue along the underside, tracing throbbing veins and even nibbling on the foreskin that reddened in ecstasy. He could hear Harry's ragged breaths and broken moans, yet it did nothing but urge him further. He slowly raised Harry's legs and placed them over his shoulders as his mouth moved from shaft to testicles to puckered arsehole.

Harry's back arched high off the bed and he moaned loudly at the touch of Draco's hot, wet, thick tongue against his rim. He could hardly control himself at this point and moaned Draco's name repeatedly before tangling his fingers in that man's dirty blonde hair. Memories started to run through his mouth at this point and he bit down on his lip as he held back tears of their fights, or even when they started this affair.

"Draco…"

Said man was too engrossed in the way Harry's puckered rim pulsed against his tongue, sucking it in and then keeping it deep inside while his teeth nibbled and traced along the rimmed entrance. Harry's moans grew louder and Draco's cock hardened. He could hardly keep himself from stroking, since he knew he would come all too quickly if he did. He instead moved his head along Harry's crack and purposely brushed his stubbed chin along Harry's flesh. Of course, it earned him another loud moan and a violent tremble.

"Draco!"

It didn't take long for Draco to slowly pull away, sucking on his lower lip and tongue to keep the sweet taste in his mouth. He then brought Harry's legs down and wrapped them back around his waist as he then positioned his own leaking length towards Harry's swollen entrance. He pushed it in slowly, watching as Harry's mouth hung open in a silent scream before placing his hands on either side of the other's head.

His thrusts started off slow and hard, balls softly clapping against firm arse cheeks before he watched Harry look up at him.

Oh Merlin, what a sight.

Bruised lips nearly bled at how hard Harry had been biting down on them, cheeks flushed into a dark shade of red, and emerald eyes twinkling as they pierced into Draco's very soul. Draco could do nothing but lean forward and press their foreheads together, kissing Harry for what felt like the hundredth time that night. He tilted his head this way and that, tongue slowly parting Harry's lips for entrance and then a moan rumbled in both throats as their tongues danced and massaged one another.

The bed creaked with each hard thrust Draco gave, his hips slowly moving in circular motions as he started to move faster. Harry's moans became muffled in their open-mouthed kiss, hands desperately clawing at Draco's back and shoulder blades as he felt himself so close to release, yet he couldn't now. Not when this was just starting.

Draco finally broke from the kiss and pressed his forehead against Harry's, pants clashing against one another as Draco started to move harder, the headboard now slamming against the wall as he trailed his lips down Harry's neck and collar bone. Harry moaned out and gasped as he desperately tried to catch his stolen breath. His cock throbbed and ached as it leaked out all over his lower abdomen and just the slightest glimpse had him seeing bright colors.

With Draco over him like this, Harry took the chance to look into his grey eyes once more. He could see the unspoken words the other tried to say all those years ago back in the hallways, he could see all the pain and anguish Draco had to go through when Harry told him he was a married man, or when he told him he had a son with Ginny. Harry could see the love Draco tried so hard to hide along with all the pain and suffering he now has to endure, all in his eyes.

It wasn't like Harry wanted this for Draco. He wanted to be with the other so bad, he wanted to grow old with him and wake up to him every morning, to jump into the shower with, to make breakfast for, to hold hands with whenever they walked down the streets. He wanted so bad to be Draco's, but that day at the Yule ball, Draco made it very clear that they could never be together. He didn't even show up. He instead left a note on Harry's bed, with the words "I'm sorry" smudged in dark ink.

And then he was gone. Gone from Harry's life for what he thought would be forever. And nearly 10 years later, he shows up out of the blue and this whole affair starts.

"Harry…"

Harry is torn from his thoughts as he now realizes that tears were burning down the sides of his temples as he moaned out louder. Draco then slowed down and wrapped his arms around Harry's waist before bringing both their bodies up with Harry now riding on his lap. Harry's head fell back and his neck was now fully exposed for Draco's teeth as he moaned out louder at how much better this position felt.

The bed creaked louder with the bouncing weight, and Draco kissed and bit down on Harry's neck and chest with soft groans and whispers. Harry's fingers tangled and tugged at Draco's sweat-clad hair, earning soft grunts and whimpers before he took it upon himself to look down and stare into those grey orbs.

Draco's so handsome, Harry thought. How could I have ever thought that he and I—?

His lips were pressed onto Draco's again, this time the kiss much softer and gentle as Harry rocked his hips over Draco's harder, never wanting this to end.

"Harry…" Draco whispered. "Harry…"

Harry hummed in response, his focus only on Draco's lips as he moved faster.

"I…"

Harry pretended to not notice, he wanted to hear Draco finally say it.

"I…" Draco gasped softly. "I miss you…"

Those aren't the words he wanted to hear.

Harry slowly pushed Draco down on the bed and straddled his hips correctly before continuing to ride him, taking notice of the way Draco's hands now rested on his waist before they slowly ran down his thighs. Chills ran along Harry's body and he bit down on his lip as he rested his hands over Draco's chest and moved harder.

Why couldn't Draco just say it? Why couldn't he just grow the fuck up? Why did he leave and then show up so many years later? Why? _Why?_

What was Harry doing wrong?

"D-Draco, I…"

"No," Draco whispered before bringing Harry down and flipping them over once more. He hovered over the other and thrust harder, balls loudly smacking against Harry's thighs as he buried his face in said man's neck and bit down. Harry protested, not wanting to hide yet another mark left behind; but Draco ignored it. He wanted this to be a reminder that Harry was his.

"Draco…I'm so close…"

"Not yet," Draco whispered. "Please don't come yet…"

Harry gasped softly as he whined and threw his head back, not knowing how much longer he could take. His body was already numb and his stomach coiled around painfully before reaching down to stroke himself.

It hadn't been until Draco slightly angled his thrusts that his tip had brushed against a bundle of nerves that had Harry arch his back high off the bed. He moaned out loudly and Draco continued to pound against that tender spot until Harry finally came in between them. Thick strings of white splattered all over their chests and stomachs, and in just a few more thrusts, Draco also came and filled Harry's throbbing heat.

Draco's body slowly collapsed over Harry's, soft groans escaping both of them before he pulled out and then rolled over to the side and draped his arm over Harry's waist. There was a deafening silence that filled the room before Draco finally broke it.

"Why can't we be together?" He whispered.

Harry could feel his heart beat painfully as a small lump formed in his throat.

"You know why," he whispered back. "You know damn well why."

A pause.

"If we went back in time, I would have gone to the ball." Draco said softly.

Harry sat up with a small hiss at the stinging pain striking up his back before reaching for his tousled clothes. Draco too got up and furrowed his brows.

"What's wrong?" He asked. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going home," Harry huffed as he slid his shirt on. "It was a mistake coming here."

"Then why did you come?" Draco raised his voice. "Why didn't you just stay in your stupid, cozy home?"

"Because I love you!" Harry snapped, tears falling freely down his cheeks.

Draco felt his whole body freeze.

"When we were in the room of requisition, I thought I made that perfectly clear!" Harry continued. "We were supposed to go away together, but you just left me!"

"Harry—"

"And then you show up out of the fucking blue?" Harry was sobbing now. "After I'm married and have a son? This stupid affair never should have started, Draco, yet here I am." He brought a hand to his lips to hold back yet another sob. "All because I want to hear you say you love me, even if it's just once."

Draco was now at a loss for words. He wasn't even sure when tears started to fall down his own cheeks, or how weak he was starting to feel.

"Can't you say it to me at least once?" Harry whispered. "Can't you say that you love me?"

Draco opened his mouth, but no words came out. Of course he loved him. He loved Harry more than he could have ever thought possible. He loved Harry so much that it drove him crazy.

So why couldn't he say it?

Harry was tired of waiting. He grabbed the rest of his clothes and slipped his shoes on before limping out the room and grabbing his scarf and coat from the living room. Draco quickly slipped his jeans on before falling behind and then running towards Harry.

Said man was already walking out the door before he felt his hand being tugged and a force strong enough to turn him around. Draco stood there out of breath, eyes still crying as he swallowed back pants.

"What is it?" Harry asked. "What could you possibly have to say to me?"

Draco's mouth hung open again, lips desperately trying to form words as he felt himself panic. This was his only chance, but he couldn't even take it.

"Goodbye, Draco." Harry whispered before releasing himself from the other's hold and then turning back around, walking out of sight.

Months passed. Harry had gone to apologize to Draco for snapping at him the way he did, but when he got there, the landlord informed him of Draco's leave. He took all his things and disappeared again. He shouldn't have been surprised, but something deep down inside of him had hoped that Draco would still be there, that he would be able to confess his love for him.

Harry shook his head at the thought and drove home, tired from working all day and definitely in need of some firewhiskey. When he parked, he figured he should check the mail before going inside, so he walked lazily towards his box and reached inside, surprised to see only one envelope.

He furrowed his brows when he saw there was no addressee or even a business stamp. He turned it over and then pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper before opening it and reading it.

 _Harry,_

 _I know you probably didn't want to hear from me again, but I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry for sending this letter to you, but I couldn't live with you thinking you weren't anything but special to me. Back when we were younger, I didn't know if I could take care of you. I wanted to be with you so bad, but I was weak to my own thoughts. I kept imagining you living such a hard life because of me, and I could never have that. I never wanted to hurt you or have you suffer. I'm sorry for leaving that night. I'm sorry for coming back so late. I'm sorry for making you cry all the time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

 _I love you so much. I love you with my whole heart and soul. I love you more than you could ever imagine._

 _I'm sorry._

 _-Draco_

Harry's head quickly shot up and he turned, almost as if he expected Draco to be there. He wiped his eyes from the tears that streamed down and looked everywhere, his heart slowly breaking at the disappointment that Draco was nowhere to be found. He shook and sobbed to himself, keeping the letter close to his chest before falling to his knees and sobbing loudly.

Draco had left him once again, yet this was so much more painful than the last.

As the snow slowly fell over Harry's shaking form, a tall figure walked the opposite direction with his head down and dirty blonde hair covering his grey eyes, disappearing into the night for what would be the last time.

-Fin.

 ** _[A/N: So normally I post K-Pop yaoi fics, but I was having a dream the other day and was practically inspired from said dream to write this. I hope it was enjoyable for you cause it was certainly enjoyable for me! Will there be more? Probably not. idk.]_**


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